Saturday, August 27, 2011
Twice in three days. That's how much pain you've caused me. but i don't blame you, it's just my plain stupidity for falling into this so deeply. The answers are obvious, and i don't even need to try but i still hold on to this thin line of hope you've given me. I lock my door because i don't want the world to see the state i'm in. I know for sure if i let go now, things will never happen.... forever. I really don't want to let you go just like that, but it really hurts when someone you been noticing for so long doesnt seem to know what you feel inside. Could you sense me dying inside while talking to you? After today, i wont look at you the same way like i did before, not because i don't want to, but probably because i can't. I have been trying really hard to avoid you, to not talk to you because every time i think of you, the thought of you being with someone else just flashes right before my very eyes and i die a little inside. Really. I really try very hard not to think of you, but somehow i can't help it. I have been doing so many things to keep myself occupied. I even stay in school till late at night so i just reach home dead tired and go to bed without thinking. But you still come into my mind. It's really over isn't it? I just lost even without a fight. This feeling of helplessness, this feeling of not letting someone know how you feel and yet you have to be happy when you're in front of her, i hate it!
Maybe its time to stop all these. To look around me at those who really care. I had really wanted to be part of your life, but all i see are just locked doors. I really wish this feeling would just disappear. I will try my best to control my emotions, and i will try my best not to shed another tear for you. After all, twice in three days, don't you think it's too much for me?
PS:Sometimes the strongest people in the morning, are the ones that cry themselves to sleep at night.
D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 10:24 PM
Sunday, August 07, 2011
=( When i see you in this mess, it really hurts me. But i just try to be there when you need me. Thats probably the best thing i can do for you. But i wonder to myself why do you do so much for him? Even though he doesn't seem to care about you. You have no idea how much i wish i could be in his shoes, and just appreciate you a little better. When will we finally learn to cherish what we have? When sorry doesn't mean anything anymore? What a bad start for this semester. I just hope this feeling will go away quickly so i can concentrate in school. But anyway, what happens here, will stay here, so i will still smile when i'm in front of you. You might never even know that behind the smile lies so many different emotions but thats just me. I choose to bottle everything up and not talk to anyone about it. Because i'm really tired.. of facing this situation over and over again and knowing what the outcome will be. Besides, things probably wouldn't work out i guess. But seeing so many things happen around me, I really do wanna experience that glimpse of love. Just a little. I want to experience how something so small can make your day and nothing big is able to spoil it. I tell myself all the time that everything happens for a reason and what was meant to be, will be. So i'm still waiting~ Because i know that when my time comes, i will really appreciate everything and not take things for granted.
PS: The worst feeling you'll ever feel is sitting next to the person who means the world to you, knowing you mean nothing to them.
D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 12:56 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Hate it when my parents say something and go off to do another. And i waited like a fool at home when i could return to hall and work on my presentation. Now im hungry and pissed. Bleah fml
your death is at 8:40 PM
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I'm the quiet type, the type who chooses to bottle everything up, the type who keeps quiet and keeps all the anger inside within. I'm the type that controls my emotions, that puts on a fake smile even in the darkest hour just so that no one else will be affected by me, my thoughts and my actions.
Yet when it comes to confessions, i'm also the type that keeps my feelings inside. That treasures every small and single moment i spend with that special someone. That smiles secretly when she smiles, and dies inside when she's upset. Probably because of my nature, i find it hard to share with someone else how i feel. I need to feel comfortable before i share my secrets, yet sometimes when i try to, i get shut off before i even got a chance to say out how i feel. It's not that i don't want to share anything, and it's just that i never got the chance to do so. I really want to share this feeling, but perhaps this abandoned blog is the only place where i can share my thoughts and feelings cos it will just listen and not walk away or turn it's back on me. It's my nature that i'm this way, so please don't mind me =(
I'm sorry for my nature, but please don't hate me for who i am...
D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I'm sick and tired of trying so bleah, i give up.
3 weeks before final papers and this comes. Of all the times, why now? Told myself many times i would focus on my studies and nothing else. Seen how it breaks so many people down so hard and drives the sanity out of them. Why do i want to be part of this? why? why......
I cant be natural anymore. I can't be myself. It just wont happen. But i will try. Just let me be. I will shake it off somehow. I think too much, and i don't wanna think anymore. I just want a good night's sleep to wake up and forget it all. I'm losing myself. I lost motivation. Is this really me? Is this my maximum ability? What happened to the guy with the aura? It's all gone now.
Glad this place is abandoned and i can just post here~ Welcome back my dark little world.
D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 10:17 PM
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Ter is emo and lonely...... I should be happy with such a decent life but, bleah.. matters of the heart are just sooo complicated. I wish i could just break down and cry.
Times like this i just hate my own existance..
D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 11:51 PM
Thursday, February 11, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~!
21st bday!! And Ter is still single. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!! Well i didn't get my main b'day wish, but hey, dad and mom gave me a super big surprise! I actually got a car for my bday o.o haha i must be super lucky huh? How many kids in the world gets a car for their 21st bday. And Head Nurse wants to be my part-time GF O.O But nahss.. i said no cos she is attached!! I'm not that desperate okay =p
Now i can travel freely and say byebye to public transport.. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~ I wonder how many people actually remembered its Ter's 21st? o.o Lazy to hold a party or whatsoever cos i HATE PLANNING!
PS: Year of 201OrD LoH!!!! =D
Happy Bday D3@ThM@5T3R
your death is at 5:37 PM
Hi All!! Welcome to my blog.. Feel free to click on any of the links above to navigate!! enjoy ur stay here =)
You call on me when i'm ill,
and ensure that i've taken the pill.
You make sure that i never frown,
and console me when i'm down.
You answer to my wail,
and sail me through the hail.
You say things funny,
and send tickles to my tummy.
You share my thick and thin,
and guide me through the wind.
You shower me with such loving care,
Your love nothing can compare...
The more you try to forget your crush,
the deeper the love you'll soon grow.
The sands of time you should not rush,
for pain and ache will soon follow.
Some say love is a river,
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love is a razor,
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
Some say love is a flower,
and your its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking,
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying,
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only,
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far,
beneath the bitter snows.
lies the seed that with the sun's love,
in the spring becomes the rose.
World Is Cruel, Love Is Blind,
Lost In Sadness, Blur In Mind,
Time Has Passed, Flames have Died,
Heart Is Broken, She's Not Mine....
Remember the time,
when you were here inside my dream,
i wished you'll be mine,
you'll understand in what i mean,
discover and see,
that you're the only one for me,
together we'll be free,
thats how its meant to be.......